Buhtt sex?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
