It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
