I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
