Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
