don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We don't watch enough power rangers
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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