yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
