Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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