Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
