Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize