I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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