You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
