glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
