I must be too annoying 4 u.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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