the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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