Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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