you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
