dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
