I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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