all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.