Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who