I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE