i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
literally had 100 drinks last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
