she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
