I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
