Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
