So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
