the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
