I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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