I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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