thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
