You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
