u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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