I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
