I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize