I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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