well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
