just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize