Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
