we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
