So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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