stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He felt like a one man threesome
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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