Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The Olympian is in my bed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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