and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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