You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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