I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
