I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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