Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
