I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
