My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
