I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
