2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
