I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
