okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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