i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
