every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
