no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
