end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
