Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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