kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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