I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
